Life sucks. You get thrust into this world you didn’t choose to exist in, you’re forced to learn things about it to keep yourself from dying and to amount to something in its eyes. You go to school, you might keep going to school with more personal freedom than before, then you spend your life working while marrying another person, then you keep working while while helping your kid or two or three or eight go through life just like you did, then you retire, then you die. And that’s if you’re lucky enough not to die early. I should also mention that a lot of it sucks and you’re gonna hurt a lot. It’s fuckin painful.
So what, in my opinion, is the best advice to get you through this series of events called life?
NIN.
“Nine Inch Nails?”
That’s a good band imo, but no, wrong interpretation.
“Negativity is normal, necessary, negotiable and not a bad thing?”
You got it, mate.
Normal?
Yes, everyone experiences it. There’s no debating this one.
Necessary?
This is a more debatable one, but ask anyone who’s truly happy with their life if they’ve ever gone through any serious shit. They have. The 6 school years before this one were hell for me. I had almost no real friends and most of the ones I did have were temporary. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life after high school besides going to university, meeting girls, and going on adventures. I had barely any independence from my family. There were upsides to these years that I don’t have now, but I wouldn’t go back if I could.
Right now, I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been. I have the best group of friends and social life I’ve ever had, I’ve had adventures and experiences high school me could only have dreamed of, I have at least 4 plans for my life, and I live alone, just the way my introverted self likes it. There’s downsides to my life as it is now, but I wouldn’t throw away my struggles for the chance to live an objectively “better” one. I wouldn’t be myself if I did.
Michael Jordan cried in his room after getting kicked off his high school basketball team. JK Rowling got rejected by 12 publishers before she found one that would publish Harry Potter. Any successful person has risked and been rewarded. You can’t be successful in anything without failing at it first.
Negotiable?
Yes, but you can’t choose not to have negativity in your life. You can choose what kinds of negativity to have in your life. In December, I read a book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. My main take-away from it is that to know what you truly want out of life, you shouldn’t ask yourself “What will make me happy?” but “What pain do I want to go through?” because while pain, loss, and all that are inevitable, you can definitely choose what kinds of pain, loss, and all that you want to go through.
You can choose to deal with the pain of being lonely or the pain of being rejected when meeting new people.
You can choose the pain of studying for a test or the pain of failing a test.
You can choose the pain of working out or the pain of getting winded walking up a flight of stairs.
Etcetera. The struggles you go through determine who you are as a person much more than what you want does.
Here’s a picture of me where I’m technically wearing a shirt:
The reason I look like that is because like every other fit person in the world, I enjoy the grind of taking time out of almost every day to pump iron at the gym and I enjoy the grind of giving up sugary, processed food and sticking to eating nutritious food.
The reason I get so much writing done, the reason I have two in-progress novels at the moment plus this blog and an in-progress mixtape, is because I enjoy the grind of typing out my thoughts, realizing the way I expressed those thoughts sucks, editing what I’ve written, then repeating that until I have something worth publishing or screaming into a microphone while a sick beat plays in the background.
The reason I’ve gone out with, hooked up with, and flirted with the girls I have in uni while high school me never even kissed one? If I find a girl attractive and I want to get to know her, I will make a move. I’ve gotten more cold responses, ghostings, and outright rejections from girls than I can count, but I’ve also had more fun and/or flirtatious experiences with other girls than I can count. I wouldn’t have either of those if I wasn’t willing to express myself honestly and potentially get rejected. That last picture probably has something to do with it too.
Why do some students have high grades while I don’t? Cause they, unlike me, are willing to take time out of their days and fucking study instead of using their time for more pleasant things. Why are some musicians successful enough to get signed to major record labels? Cause they want to go through the “starving artist” lifestyle, they choose the uncertainty of having to find gigs, networking, making something that could potentially suck and performing it over the certainty of a more conventional career. Why do some people thrive in their social lives? Cause they’re comfortable with the inevitable rejection and uncertainty of meeting new people.
When you love a person, you love them for who they are. You love them no matter what lifts them up and no matter what brings them down. Anyone who loves their life loves it for the same reasons. They love the struggles they go through as much as the rewards they get from said struggles.
Not a bad thing?
That’s a matter of opinion. And my opinion is: fuck yeah, it’s not a bad thing.
Rejection is a form of negativity I’ve struggled with all my life. Grade 5-8 me never had a real friend group and only had 2 good friends through it all. My first couple years of high school, I asked out about 4 girls and got turned down by all of them. All of high school, I was generally liked (at least I hope so) but I wasn’t really “in” with any friend group longer than a year. By the end of high school, I only had 2 real friends.
My first year of uni, my first friend group cut me off soon after getting to know me, I went almost 3 months with only one real friend before my social life started to take off, and I didn’t get past a single date with any girl I went out with. Last summer, I had a 3+ month-long job hunt. I handed out over 150 resumes in person and applied to 100+ other places online. I finished the summer unemployed. Rejection has been the bane of my existence and I sure hope I’m saying “bane of my existence” in the proper context.
Now I fucking love rejection. A girl I like rejects me, I consider the experience a reflection of my bravery and our incompatibility, not a reflection of me being undesirable and her being better than me. I get rejected after a job interview, I probably would have ended up hating the job anyway. If I don’t get a job interview in the first place, job hunting in person is fun. I love the adventurous aspect of it. Not having a job just gives me an excuse to go on more adventures. I accept rejection when I talk to new people, I don’t change myself to fit what I think they want from me, I’m just myself with everything that comes naturally to me. This helps me screen for people my personality is compatible with and stops me from wasting time with people I can’t vibe with, I don’t see it as me not being good enough for them. I have enough friends to be satisfied with my social life.
Success and happiness aren’t dependent on what you’ve gone through as much as they’re dependent on what you’re made of. What is rejection, suffering, pain, if not a learning experience? If you’re not willing to learn, you won’t. There’s some people out there who think they don’t deserve any pain in their life, so they ignore it and refuse to learn from it. Please don’t be that kind of person.
If you have to censor yourself to be accepted by certain people, you know those aren’t the types of people you’ll be happy with in the long run. If a job you’re not qualified for was to hire you, that’s a job you’d probs do shittily (that’s a real word now cause I said so). If you think “I can pass this class without studying” then get a 26% on your midterm, that’s a wake-up call for you to study more. LEARN FROM YOUR PAIN, MY DEAR READER.
“But how can I live a life without any pain, without any suffering or rejection?”
Fuck you, no one does. Negativity is normal, it’s necessary, it’s negotiable, and it’s not a bad thing.
Chasing success and living my life 